


Silver Seduction

by EsculentEvil



Category: Batman (Comics), Batman - All Media Types
Genre: Breaking the Fourth Wall, Canon-Typical Violence, Flirting, Fluff and Humor, Frank Sinatra - Freeform, Love Poems, M/M, Mature Jokes/Puns/Situations, Metafiction, Romance, Screenplay/Script Format, Silver Age, Star Wars References, Super Sanity
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-01-15
Updated: 2018-12-15
Packaged: 2019-09-18 14:17:37
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 4
Words: 1,035
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16996596
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/EsculentEvil/pseuds/EsculentEvil
Summary: Set during the Silver Age Comics; featuringLetheand his Bat; a collection of devilish deeds.Originally posted to my Tumblr @esculentevil





	1. Hug Me

**Author's Note:**

> This is a plot bunny I’ve been harboring for a while and it’s really nice to let it free so expect more of these monstrosities and expect them to get weirder/worse/whatever. I had fun tho!

**Batman** : He’s done what?

 **Gordon** : He’s holding up a bank.

 **Batman** : Yes, but  **for**  what?

 **Gordon** : ... The note says he wants  _a hug_.

 **Batman** : ... [sighs] I’m on my way.

* * *

 

**Batman** : [striding into the bank] Joker.

 **Joker** : [turns away from the crying child he was cooing at to grin at the Bat] Batsy, darling~ [stands and waves his joke gun] So glad you could join us!

[Batman frowns as everyone else shrinks from the still dangerous gun.]

 **Batman** : You asked for me.

 **Joker** : [waves his lethal toy while tutting] Ah ah~ Batsy, boo, I asked for a  **hug**.

 **Batman** : [frowns deeply]

 **Joker** : Now, now, darling; it’s not death.

[Joker approaches Batman carefully, muzzle pointed at  **somebody**.]

 **Joker** : [purrs] Just a hug~

 **Batman** : [growls] They go first.

 **Joker** :  **Half**.

[Joker waves half the hostages away and Batman glares at him as they leave.]

 **Joker** : There. Now. [spreads his arms wide]  **Hug me** ~

[The little girl Joker was cooing at watches in awe as Batman does just that.]


	2. Kiss Me

[Inside a warehouse by Dixon Docks]

 **Robin** : [struggling against his bindings] You won’t get away with this, Joker!

 **Joker** : [chuckling darkly] O, trust me, birdie boy; I will~

* * *

[Right outside that same warehouse]

**Gordon** : [frustrated and frowning] Where—?

 **Batman** : [stepping out of the shadows] Here.

 **Gordon** : [jumps, surprised; sighs, aggravated] You need a bell, Batman.

 **Batman** : [raises a brow, kind of amused; shakes head and refocuses] Status?

 **Gordon** : [sighs again] Joker’s got the Boy Wonder.

[They both stare trepidatiously at the ominous building.]

 **Batman** : [frowns] Any idea what happened?

 **Gordon** : [pulls out a lighter and a cigarette] I was hoping you could tell me.

[Batman watches Gordon light his cig.]

 **Gordon** : I was on the phone with him and all I know is that he was knocked out.

 **Batman** : [shakes his head] That’s not all you know.

 **Gordon** : [eyes the Bat while taking a nicotine-laced drag] ... He giggled  _kiss_.

[Batman deflates as he understands; then he nods and begins his march.]

* * *

 

[The warehouse rattles as its door is kicked open. A batty silhouette slides in.]

**Joker** : [turns and grins] Batsy~!

 **Robin** : [struggling] Batman! No! It’s a trap!

 **Joker** : [scowls back at the bird] Shut it, you twit! [points emphatically at the boy] Admiral Ackbar doesn’t even hit the screen until 1983!! [stands akimbo before the confused child] And [he doesn’t become an internet meme until 2002](http://knowyourmeme.com/memes/its-a-trap)!!!

[The two heroes stare in bewilderment at the goofy criminal.]

 **Batman** : ... Who?

 **Joker** : [stares at the two of them before sighing] Never mind; it’s not even 1973.

 **Robin** : [curious] Why would that date be important?

 **Joker** : [pouting] ‘Cause that’s the start of our Bronze Age.

 **Batman** : ... [very unsure] O... kay... [shakes off his uncertainty] You’ve been had, Joker! Release the Boy Wonder and no one gets hurt!

 **Joker** : [snorts] That’s adorable, Batsy, but I have a better idea~

[With a devious grin, the Joker twirls and flips a switch. Robin and the Bat are forced to watch as the warehouse is cast into a romantic pink glow. Another switch is flipped before either vigilante can do anything more than gape.]

 **Batman** : ... Frank Sinatra?

 **Joker** : [purrs through his grinning teeth] Yes~

 **Robin** : ... I don’t get it...

 **Joker** : [glares and violently shushes him; turns back to Basty with a wider grin]  So d _ee_ p in my h _ea_ r **t**  tha **t**  you're r _ea_ lly a p _a_ r **t**  of me~

 **Batman** : [frowns, beginning to understand where this is going] Joker...

 **Joker** : [giddy when he sees that understanding look] I'd tr _i_ e **d**  so n _o_ **t**  to give  _i_ n~

[Robin watches in great confusion as the Joker sways—literally dances—his way to the Batman while the frowning vigilante just... stands there and lets him.]

 **Joker** : [gleefully reaches the Batman] But wh _y_  should I tr _y_  to res _i_ s **t**  when, baby, I kn _ow_  so w _ell_ ~ [touches the Bats’ chest with surprising gentleness; grins softly]  _I_ 've got  _you_  un **d** _er_  my sk _i_ n?

[Batman frowns at the clown. He doesn’t stop the other from humming along to the rest of the song just as he doesn’t bother to join in. There’s no mutual singing or dancing (although he’s sure the Joker would have liked it): just them.]

 **Batman** : ... Gordon said you mentioned a  _kiss_.

 **Joker** : [smiles; still humming]

 **Batman** : Is that how I solve this?

 **Joker** : [smiles wider]

[Batman sighs; then, to Robin’s surprise, he gives Joker exactly what he wants.]

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Told you they’d just get worse and weirder. I absolutely could not help myself—honestly, Sinatra had to join the party! Also the Star Wars meme; ‘cause, let’s face it, Joker’d know it. However, for those that don’t know what the whole dating thing means: the Bronze Age of Comics began in 1973 when the Comics Code Authority loosened and the Joker was allowed back into the series after being literally blacklisted by an editor that didn’t like him; since this is set in the Silver Age of Comics [as I said at the start], it takes place somewhere between 1954 and 1969 [because that editor removed Joker for about 4 whole years before the Bronze Age brought him back in] which is long before the whole “It’s a Trap!” meme; and, since I’m a full supporter of the Joker being super sane [proposed by Grant Morrison] enough to know he’s a comic book character AND see beyond his own world into our own, I just threw it in. It was fun!


	3. Old Deck, New Tricks

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This is a poem I, Batsy, wrote for the _Silver Seduction series_. The actual installment hasn’t been written yet and I might not get to it soon; but I though this was good enough to share now.

I had a dream  
In it, you were you and I was me  
But we  **weren’t**  you and me

I was dark and you were sad  
And I did something to make you mad

That me couldn’t fix it  
He didn’t take his opportunity

But I promise you:  
I’ll be different.


	4. Romance Me

The ticking makes him giddy.

The toking makes him bubble and twirl.

The decaying numbers make him skip in their ethereal glow.

The silhouette on the horizon, though...

* * *

 

Batman is far from happy when he arrives.

The lines on his face are deep and pronounced like the canyon of another state while his frown is so deeply etched that it’d be impossible to turn it upside down.

Joker giggles at this thought.

Then, he claps.

* * *

 

“Welcome, one and only, to the first  **bomb**  of our game! 

I’m sure you can hear it screaming behind us, just  **begging**  to be tamed~

Soothed and sweetened by words all your own! 

A  **perfect poem** ; after which, we all go home~”

* * *

 

Batman scowls.

He swings his fist and sends a tiny cassette hurtling towards a white forehead.

Joker laughs riotously and catches the item with glee; there’s a grin on his face, bright and happy, clearly born from the thought of his hero participating willingly.

The smile falls, however, as he listens to the tape: [the honest words and heart-felt promise](https://esculentevil.tumblr.com/post/175600439656/batjokes-old-deck-new-tricks)—so much more than he was expecting—doing... something to him (Look, my inkblot’s dead, ok? Dead, dry, done. It’s not beating. Not at all.).

* * *

 

As they ride back to Arkham Asylum, the bomb defused and the Joker subdued, the Bat quietly allows the clown to talk freely, for once, inside the Batmobile.

“Did you mean it?”

Batman almost regrets this allowance.

Almost: “Yes.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Just in case: I didn’t put the poem in this fic because I liked the sense of privacy it provided; Batsy’s poem to Lethe is very personal. =)


End file.
